you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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