This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
