You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
