No more Irish car bombs ever.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
