okay pat passed out under dana's car
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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