I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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