I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
