i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
