I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
