Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant

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(812): View more from Indiana

Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.

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(248): View more from Michigan

so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders

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(303): View more from Colorado

dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.

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(707): View more from California

We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.

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(276): View more from Virginia

I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic

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(507): View more from Minnesota

The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.

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