pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
