paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
