Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Randomize
