ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
