I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
