Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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