I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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