about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
