i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize