who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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