I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
