I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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