Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
