Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize