First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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