good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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