If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
