I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
