There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
