It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Randomize
