it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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