it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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