So gin and wine won't be happening again
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You pole danced in your parka.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
