Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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