the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
