I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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