I want to walk on stilts...naked
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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