God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
