My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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