Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
