She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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