fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize