I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
