imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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