i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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