I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
where am i from again
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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