I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
