no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
