He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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