Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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