Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
