I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
