I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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