You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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