he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
