Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
