grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
