Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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