The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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