I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
