How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
