Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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