I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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