You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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