Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
