u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
