You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
