Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
