Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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