Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
