One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
