Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
