We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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