I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
