i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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