i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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