so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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