ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
