Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
