the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
