Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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