There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i now understand why vodka
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
