It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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