Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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