so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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