you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
