have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
