there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
