So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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