Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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