Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
