So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
