not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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