SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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