I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Shame - the story of my life.
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