did you get engaged???
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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