I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
