I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize