Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
