it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
