3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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