Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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