I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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