Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
