her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
