Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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