yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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