I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
