At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
