My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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