what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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