How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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