and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
