How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
