Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
